Homily for Thursday of the 19th Week in Ordinary Time, 13 August 2020, Matthew 18:21-19:1
In my native language, Kapampangan, we have a curious word for anger and resentment: SUKAL LUB. It is more graphic than the Tagalog SAMA NG LOOB. Literally, it means INNER TRASH OR TRASH INSIDE. It is supposedly what happens to people who do not forgive: they allow their souls to be poisoned by so much toxicity, for keeping so much trash inside their hearts.
Since our topic today is about FORGIVENESS, let me begin with a little story. On July 7 last year upon the invitation of the well-known film actor, Ms. Cherry Pie Picache, I watched the first screening of the documentary film entitled RADICAL LOVE, produced by ABS CBN.
Unknown to many, Cherry Pie had been very much involved in the Restorative Justice Ministry of the Archdiocese of Manila before the real-life drama in her life involving a prisoner happened. Her commitment to this ministry found itself tested beyond limits when her own mother was murdered in cold blood by a man who was under the influence of drugs.
The man had brutally stabbed his mother to death, not just a few times but more than twenty times. Fortunately for the family, the criminal was arrested and charged and sentenced to a life imprisonment. It took a while before Pie could resume her work for prisoners. The pain that was triggered in her heart by just the thought of visiting prisoners again was just too much for her.
After some spiritual guidance, and a lot of soul-searching on her part, one day, she decided that she was ready to visit her mother’s killer. The killer himself was very reluctant, ironically, for fear that Pie might get violent with him. Eventually, he too decided maybe it was also time to meet his victim’s daughter.
The whole thing was captured on video and made into a film documentary. It was her first time to star in a movie in which her role was for real and the whole experience of her encounter with her mother’s killer was captured in all its rawness. It was the final scene that I found most dramatic—that part when the murderer himself entered the visiting room and stood face to face before Cherry Pie for the first time. As Pie approached the man, she just looked into his eyes and started weeping silently before him. After a seemingly endless moment of silence, the man himself broke into tears. He repeatedly begged her forgiveness for the violence and cruelty that he had inflicted on her mom. Although he admitted that he was under the influence of drugs when he committed the crime, he admitted meekly that nothing could justify the unspeakable pain that he now realized he had caused on her and the rest of her family.
At some point, Cherry Pie made the stunning gesture of stepping forward to embrace her mother’s murderer and witnessing to the radical love that her Christian faith is about, by forgiving him. After that tight embrace, she remembered to take out a bag of gifts that she wanted to give him, including a rosary. She asked if there was anything he needed that she could bring for him on her next visit; his reply was, “I need nothing more than your forgiveness, Madam.”
Someone once told me it is easier to forgive a stranger who hurts you than a loved one who betrays you. Today’s Gospel is about Jesus response to a question posed to him by Peter: “How many times must I forgive if my brother or sister does something wrong against me? Seven times?” Jesus says, “No, not seven times, but seventy times seven times,” meaning, no limit. I think Jesus answered this way because he found the question ridiculous. Take note, Peter did not say “How many times must I forgive my fellow human being? He said, ‘How many times should I forgive my brother?’” The question presumes that the one who has done wrong is not a stranger to you but someone you treat as family.
Perhaps the Lord would throw back the question to Peter differently to drive home his point, like asking a father, “How many times should you save your son from drowning if he still keeps jumping into the swimming pool despite your warnings?” Then you will understand why the question is ridiculous.
In today’s Gospel Jesus explains to his disciples why it is so essential for us to learn forgiveness. I remember one priest telling me that he had withheld absolution one time for a penitent. Apparently, the penitent had laid bare to him the depth of the pain that her friend had inflicted upon her. And she kept repeating, “Sorry, Father, but I can never find it my heart to forgive her for all the pain that she has caused me.” The priest replied and said, “That you for honestly admitting your incapacity to forgive. God hears you but cannot forgive you. When you are ready to forgive, then come back again. Hopefully, by then, God can forgive you already.”
I never realized that there are indeed times when, even if God wants to forgive us, he cannot. Why? How can God forgive us if we ourselves cannot forgive others? This is exactly what we say in THE LORD’S PRAYER: “And forgive us…as we forgive.” The implication is, “Do not forgive us, if we ourselves are unable to forgive.”
You see, forgiveness is not just about the humility to seek forgiveness when we have done wrong, but also about the magnanimity to forgive when others have wronged us. It is as important for the one who seeks forgiveness as to the one who must learn to forgive.
There is one song that captures this beautifully. It is entitled “I forgive you. “ The song explains why, so often, FORGIVENESS is something that is needed, not just by the one who has done wrong, but also by one who has been wronged. It is a favor we also owe not just to the one who begs forgiveness but also to ourselves. We forgive, also because it is the only way to free ourselves from the toxicity of unforgiveness that can poison our souls.
I no longer want to hold on
To that which doesn’t make me strong
And I don’t wanna care anymore
‘Bout what’s right or wrong
I just wanna be whole again
I want to be free again
Want to be me again
I just want to heal…
I’m so tired of being in pain
I just want to be whole again
So…
I forgive you
I forgive you
I forgive you
Totally, completely, now.
